And that’s OK

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So you know that whole “I’m going to write 500 words a day” thing? Yeah, well, that hasn’t really been happening. I’ve been writing maybe a few sentences most days. I get to the 500 mark once a week, if I’m lucky.

And that’s ok.

I’ve been struggling to let go of a lot lately. It’s tough to forgive yourself when you aren’t accomplishing every little thing you set out to do.

* I haven’t gone running in months- And that’s ok.

* I haven’t worked on my novel in weeks – And that’s ok.

* My house is a disaster – And that’s ok.

* I still have a good 10-15 pounds of baby weight to lose- And that’s ok.

* I haven’t posted on this blog for over a week- And that’s ok.

Some days it’s just so FREAKING hard to see past all of the negatives, all of the crap I’m not accomplishing. I NEED INSTANT GRATIFICATION, DAMN IT. Then I think, there are people in this world without enough food, there are children being abused, there are so many things worse than your stupid middle class white lady problems. And, you know, that helps a bit, having a little Oprah moment (is that still a thing? Because Oprah’s totally not a thing. Who would have thought I’d be dating myself with an Oprah reference?). But then that guilt just gets added to the pile and I end up feeling lousy about the fact that I feel lousy.

So, what was my point? Oh yeah, letting go. Rather than obsessing about not accomplishing things (You’re not making a living writing? Really?? FAILURE), I’m trying to focus on what I am managing to get done. Here are a few things, in no particular order.

I’m raising three awesome kids (with my wonderful husband, of course). My daughter started kindergarten, and my son started preschool this month. That was hard. I know it’s cliche, but they grow up so fast. There are two different kinds of time in this world- Time Before Kids, and Time After Kids. They change and grow so quickly that the years just fly by. You spend your time wishing they would stay little, while at the same time marveling at the amazing people they’re becoming. It’s a mind blowing conundrum.

* I get out the door every day. Seriously, this is HUGE. I’m giving myself mad props for waking up after just a few hours of sleep, getting my shit together, and my two youngest kids’ shit together, and getting everybody to their respective places (somewhat) on time.

* I started cloth diapering. Sounds silly I know. What kind of accomplishment is that? But it’s something I’ve always wanted to do for environmental and financial reasons. I started about a month ago and have been loving it. I feel so self sufficient.

* I’m blogging again. The fact that I’ve taken up with this little corner of the internet again is an accomplishment in and of itself. I’m trying not to get too caught up in feeling obligated to post regularly. I post when I feel like it, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

* I have a happy marriage. From what I gather, this is a pretty big deal. We may not have all of the time and energy we once did for each other, but we’re still best friends.

*I started a new story. I’ve given myself permission to let go of the novel, for now. I don’t know if I’ll go back to it or not. I’ve started several other things in the last couple of years, but my focus is always clouded by the guilty feeling that I should be working on the novel that I put so much time into. I’m letting that guilt go and chalking writing the novel up to experience. I’m super excited about the new story I started. It’s a post apocalyptic girl power type thing (I know, I KNOW, not another one. Screw you, Internets, I do what I want.) and I think it has the potential to be pretty kick ass.

And that’s just the short list. The long one includes things like, I’m alive and I remember to brush my teeth twice a day, so I won’t bore you with that. All of these things may seem pretty mundane, but sometimes getting through the day is the best we can do. Why not give ourselves a little credit?

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One response »

  1. Hurray! The stuff you’re doing is incredibly important and life-affirming. The things you’re not doing? If they’re important to you, you can always take another swing at ’em — but guilt isn’t productive, and it isn’t necessary.

    Also: there will never, ever be too many post-apocalyptic girl-power stories.

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