Are you there, epiphany? It’s me, Jillian

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I’m probably going to be bitching a lot over the next few months (years, whatever) about editing my novel. I apologize in advance to anyone who actually decides to read this because I’ll probably let my inner two year old come out, sobbing and gnashing her teeth as she has a tantrum all over the keyboard. It has to happen somewhere, though, and I’d rather not have my kids witness it. It would really fly in the face of that whole parenting thing I’m attempting to pull off.

Holy crap, though.. this editing thing is tough. I wrote my first draft during National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). It’s a fun exercise that basically forces you to have a massive brain dump on your computer screen. Think of it as a laxative for the mind. It’s not about quality, just getting 40k words down in 30 days while managing to tell some semblance of a story. I highly recommend it if you suffer creative blocks like I do.

The result, however, (in my case anyway) proves to be less than satisfactory. It’s ok. It’s taken me over a year, but I’m finally beginning to let go of how badly it sucks so that I can attempt to fix it. And I’m not just being modest. My first draft totally blows. I let a couple of people read it because I felt like I needed feedback and now I’m like, shit. I let people read this? For real? NOT COOL.

Now that I’ve gotten over the utter humiliation, I’m kind of on a role with the editing thing. I’m feeling pretty good about it, like it could really be a good story if I can fix the horrible writing and add some actual character development. The thing that is driving me absolutely crazy go nuts is this nagging feeling that there’s a better way to tell the story right there, lurking at the edge of my mind. I just can’t quite grasp it. Maybe I’m subconsciously blocking it out because I know how much more work it will be if I basically have to completely rewrite it from a new angle. Whatever it is, I can’t shake the feeling that a major breakthrough is right there. Frustrating and motivating to the point that my brain might explode.

You know how, sometimes, the universe sends something your way at just the right moment? Well, this little piece below found me exactly when I needed it most.

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