The world is my donut..

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This morning I was late for work because I had a meeting with the director of the art gallery at USM. I’m going to be interning there for the school year. The meeting went well and I came out of it with the feeling that maybe this whole elementary school teacher thing might not be the direction I want to go in. Talking to her reminded me of why I chose an art history concentration in the first place. I’m starting to think that the teaching thing is just another crack pot scheme I’ve come up with to distract myself from what I really want to do. Granted, I don’t really know exactly what that is yet, but I do have an idea of the field I want to be in and I think I keep veering off the path because, deep down, I don’t have the confidence to pursue it. I’m like a raccoon, distracted by the shiny new idea for a career that might (but probably won’t) take less leg work to get into. Focus, Jill.. focus..

So I leave the gallery thinking these things and wondering if I’ll ever be able to wade through the chaos that is my own brain. On top of this I’m obsessing about a work situation that is beyond pissing me off, rehearsing the speech I’m going to unload on my boss as soon as I get there. I’m also feeling totally unattractive and frumpy in my super sexy maternity shirt (I refuse to spend money on clothes until I lose more of this baby weight). It’s 80 degrees at 9:00 in the morning so I decide I NEED an iced coffee.

I pull into Dunkin’ Donuts, ranting and raving right up until I open the car door. I tend to talk to myself A LOT so if you ever drive by me and see my hands waving wildly and my mouth moving at a mile a minute don’t assume I’m on a hands free cell phone or that someone is hiding on the floor in the backseat of my car. Nope, I’m just using some self talk to work through my frustrations.. or I’m crazy.. Whatever.

I’m standing at the counter getting ready to order my coffee when I notice that the Boston Cream donuts are staring at me. I try to look the other way but they just keep right on trying to entice me with all their chocolately, gooey freshly frosted goodness. The girl comes up to take my order and I practice a super human amount of self control .

“Can I get a decaf blueberry, cream only?” OK, I got the sentence out and I’m not saying anything else.. She goes and gets my coffee, babbling something about how much she loves the blueberry flavoring in the white hot chocolate. I’m holding steady because I know the next question will be if I want anything else.  She comes back with my coffee and asks the dreaded question.

“Nope, I’m all set.” Whew… I made it through. Now I just have to pay and get out of here..

“Are you sure? You get a free donut with the purchase of a medium coffee today.”

The Universe is trying to tell me something.

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4 responses »

  1. YES.

    That’s my whole comment. I completely understand. 🙂

    (also it took me a good 5 months of really searching to find what I wanted to do, and since I thought coaching was cheesy it took another 3 months to convince myself that it wasn’t. It is a process, embrace it!)

  2. keep strong in the pursuing of the field you want to be in; life tends to make other career choices seem shiny, new, quick to achieve, and lots of money to be had – altho teaching may not have that neccessarily and the logic in you says “it’s a good backup”…well, sometimes you just need to keep going without that backup. Your logic may freak – but you’ll never know what you can achieve beyond that logic until you just drop it. and then that logic will find a new backup that fits to your new outlook/lifestyle/career path. woot!
    man, i am quite philosophical before noon.!

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