Since having my miraculous burst of motivation I’ve been working with a friend ( who is starting a business doing personal coaching as well as business seminars called InnerAction) to set up realistic goals. She calls it “homework”. I find this amusing because, normally, the word homework would cause me to immediately balk and run in the opposite direction. It seems however, in my newly matured state (you can stop laughing…now) this approach has been extremely helpful. I feel accomplished each time I complete an “assignment” and am excited to talk about what the next steps are toward my ultimate goal.
I think now would be an appropriate time to give a little background on my personality. I am a perfectionist.. but not in the traditional sense. I don’t work on things until they are perfect. Instead, I have this awesome little voice in my head that tells me not to bother trying anything unless I can do it perfectly and be the BEST. This has always been a huge obstacle for me. It has held me back from so many things and caused me to believe that other people have more skills and value than I do. Like I said, it’s AWESOME.
So my biggest obstacle since I’ve started my little journey has been remembering that I am in control, not that little voice. I have to tell that little voice to shut the hell up on a regular basis.. It does seem, however, that the more I tell it to leave me alone, the quieter it gets.
Now that I have established that I am not only a perfectionist, but completely insane I hope you can really appreciate the gravity of my completing even the most inconsequential of goals. By this I don’t mean daily life things.. I manage to work a full time job, take care of my kids and generally keep my world from caving in around me on a daily basis without too much of a problem. I mean things like going back to school (working on it), writing a novel (working on it) and finding out where my passion really lies (not a clue.. it’s on the list). Every step that I take toward completing these things is scary, difficult and shadowed by old dredged up feelings of worthlessness. At the same time every step is empowering me to become who I want to be, even if I’m not sure who that is yet. That’s why I just have to keep walking.