Hearing Voices..


Since having my miraculous burst of motivation I’ve been working with a friend ( who is starting a business doing personal coaching as well as business seminars called InnerAction) to set up realistic goals.  She calls it “homework”. I find this amusing because, normally, the word homework would cause me to immediately balk and run in the opposite direction. It seems however, in my newly matured state (you can stop laughing…now) this approach has been extremely helpful. I feel accomplished each time I complete an “assignment” and am excited to talk about what the next steps are toward my ultimate goal.

I think now would be an appropriate time to give a little background on my personality. I am a perfectionist.. but not in the traditional sense. I don’t work on things until they are perfect. Instead, I have this awesome little voice in my head that tells me not to bother trying anything unless I can do it perfectly and be the BEST.  This has always been a huge obstacle for me.  It has held me back from so many things and caused me to believe that other people have more skills and value than I do. Like I said, it’s AWESOME.

So my biggest obstacle since I’ve started my little journey has been remembering that I am in control, not that little voice. I have to tell that little voice to shut the hell up on a regular basis.. It does seem, however, that the more I tell it to leave me alone, the quieter it gets.

Now that I have established that I am not only a perfectionist, but completely insane I hope you can really appreciate the gravity of my completing even the most inconsequential of goals.  By this I don’t mean daily life things.. I manage to work a full time job, take care of my kids and generally keep my world from caving in around me on a daily basis without too much of a problem. I mean things like going back to school (working on it), writing a novel (working on it) and finding out where my passion really lies (not a clue.. it’s on the list).  Every step that I take toward completing these things is scary, difficult and shadowed by old dredged up feelings  of worthlessness. At the same time every step is empowering me to become who I want to be, even if I’m not sure who that is yet. That’s why I just have to keep walking.


6 responses »

  1. I’m so very very proud of you. That inner critic is our worst enemy and now that you’ve recognized him you can tell him to go away!! You’re amazing!

  2. Ah, the little voice 🙂

    We love to call that our inner perfectionist, don’t we? (Yes I’m fully in it’s stranglehold.) It’s such a polite fiction; so very much more a pleasant term than “fear”.

  3. Fear isn’t specific enough Mike! It’s also insecurity precieved preservation and a whole host of other things. Yes it’s fear but it edits. Set a small goal and don’t let it tell you otherwise!

  4. I think we are all a little insane, but that makes life more interesting. I am still looking to find out exactly what my true passion is as well. I hope to find out while I am still vital enough to pursue it! Good luck.

  5. I really like your writing! And it is so nice that someone out there seems to be struggling with the same things that I do. I mean, the exact same things! I want MORE for myself as well, even though I fully appreciate what I already have in my happy marriage and two beautiful children.
    I also strive to teach my children that success is only achieved through challenging oneself to do what you truly are driven to do! I’ve often felt lately that I am having a mid life crisis, yet I am only 27. I am trying to decide which of my goals are “hula dancing” and which are the real thing. And I also struggle with the” do it perfect, or not at all” voice. Guess our 7th grade GT classes didn’t quite teach us how to get around that, did it?
    I am impressed that you are going back to school and I am will look forward to hearing how you make it all work. Keep writing!

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