Since having my second baby three months ago I’ve been thinking a lot about the amount of control I have over my life.. and how little I choose to use it. I love my life. I love my family.. but something is missing. I don’t know, maybe something about squeezing something that large out of my vagina (for the SECOND time) just begs for an epiphany.
I’m sure all of this has to do with age as well. I was 19 when I met my husband. We’ve been together almost 10 years. People kept telling me how much you change in your 20’s when I got married at 23.. how much you grow up and how many things you can miss if you get into all the big stuff early. I didn’t believe them at the time. And I still don’t completely agree. I’m happy in my marriage and I have no regrets about having my kids when I did. Everything I have done to this point has made me the person I am today. I don’t want this blog to be about how much I regret not partying my way through my early 20’s.. because that’s not how I feel. I’ve just come to realize (and here’s the Oprah moment folks) that I’m worth a lot more than I give myself credit for. I look at other people and find myself feeling jealous of their accomplishments. Now it’s time for me to accomplish something. Just for me. I don’t want to ever hear myself warning my daughter that you can’t do everything you want to do in life. Women shouldn’t have to pick and choose… or feel held back by the choices they’ve already made. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is always a way. While I will always encourage my children to follow their dreams, I think the best thing I can do as a parent is lead by example. So, while the next few months or years may be challenging I think I’m ready to face it and I will be a better mother, wife and person for it.